Friday, November 4, 2011

If Chaos was the Only Alternative

It kills me that you're hurting.  I wish I could do something to change that.  I wish you gave me a chance.  I've been in so many dark situations.  I've been in your shoes and I know what it feels like to be absolutely broken.  I've crumbled and put together the pieces more times than I can count.  Goddamn, I have so many secrets no one knows about, so many nights I wanted to drive into a wall and end it all.  How does the song go?  Ya my life's a bitch, but you know nothing 'bout her.  

But this isn't about me.  Don't get me wrong, I love you the way you are, I do.  But there are things I wish I could change.  Not many, but not few.  Things you may not even notice.  

I wish you didn't fall into silence when our best efforts no longer seem to accomplish a thing.  I can stand almost anything - everything but the quiet - for I can't help but blame those who cower to the cage of silence, even if chaos was the only alternative.  And while spiteful words may break your spirit, silence will always shatter my heart.  I wish you weren't so selfish - that for one second of your life, I was more than an afterthought, a stressful inconvenience.  And I wish you didn't give me false hope, only to leave me crushed in sorrow.  Time and time again.  Black and blue in nine different places. Parched in a desert of ignorance and despair.

I could change your life, and you could change mine.

Maybe yes.
Probably no.
For better or for worse?
It's up to you.

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