Thursday, March 22, 2012

All You Had to Do Was Call

You always have something to say, some smartass bullshit to add.  How about now?  Why aren't you talking? You fucking coward.

I can't sleep anymore.  The insomnia kicks in when I need rest the most.  So I play it back over and over and over again.  I drove an hour to see you and I came with gifts.  It took me 2 hours to get ready to see you, unshaven with dirty sheets.  But I didn't care, I was so fucking happy to see you.  And then I drove half a block from your house and cried for an hour.  They were coming down so hard, I couldn't see.  You didn't come to my rescue.  You didn't hold me tight in your embrace.  You didn't call.  Not the first time.  Just because 'you don't want to talk about it' doesn't mean I've forgotten.  That I could ever forget.  Then and now.

Every moment, every inch we've ever shared.  Was it worth it?  Are you happy now?  My hate grows with every second of silence.  I regret meeting you, choosing you, falling for you.  I want to throw away everything you have given me, everything you have poisoned with your touch.  I'd rather mourn my loss than be your slave.  I'm still crying but I'm not coming back.

One day you'll find those tiny balls of yours and call me back, you will.  And I won't be there to answer.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I Wink to Bring You Near, I Wink to Hide the Tears

Every day we play a game.  I move forward, you step back.  I want to forfeit.  Stop and fast forward to the next scene.  Where's the remote?  Who has the control?

I grew up to my parents hating each other.  Screaming for weeks until the police showed up.  I swore I'd never let myself turn into that.  Never become dependent.  I have and I haven't.  My eyes are open, my heart is free.  I'm broken but I'm still breathing.  I've got a talent for choosing the people who are worst for me.  Mirror mirror on the wall, tell me where I've gone wrong.

Tell me, does your ass get jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth?  If only our tongues were made of glass, would you be so careless with your words?  And you can say 'sorry' or 'I love you' a thousand times, but if you can't show it, then your words don't mean a fucking thing.  I don't need magic to disappear when your words make me feel invisible.  And holding onto you any longer only makes me sick.

I have good days and fucking bad one.  Call me T-Rex, I roar and soar.  High and mighty but tomorrow I'll be gone.  I want to be gone.  I want to vanish. 

You don't own me.  No one does.  Back to square one.