Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Drapetomania: An Overwhelming Urge to Run Away

I sit here now and map the pros and cons.  I don't know what I want, but I know that something is missing.  I can fucking feel it.

And I feel that I can't stop thinking about you.  I don't know why.  I don't get it.  But you are all I want - today, tomorrow, forever.  When I look at you, my soul thinks "oh there you are, I've been looking for you."  You have no idea what you mean to me.  And I'm scared because there's only one of you and one of me.

Alas, I can't have my cake and eat it too.  I can't bask in the comfort of security, while I secretly swim in freedom.  I'm an adult, aren't I?  And a grown woman should be able to make these sorts of big girl decisions. 

I've always been a risk-taker.  I've always been the one to lead - to wink in confidence and take initiative.  Always.  My heart says we should give it a try.  After all, sometimes the wrong decisions bring us to the right places. So why not, what's stopping me?  Want to know why?  Because you haven't asked me to.  Not once.  Why the fuck not?

You could have me, but you're a coward. 

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