Friday, October 21, 2011

Two Wheels Move the Soul

I'm a firm believer that the second you get your hopes up, for a better future and new life, nothing works out.  I've become an expert on the topic.  The more you want something, the more faith you put into it, the more likely you'll be disappointed. And you're no exception.

Because you, you did it, you broke my heart into a shimmering web of silver tears.  God I can't remember the last time I've felt so crushed,  so stupid and insignificant.  I can't remember the last time I've felt so alone and punished with silence.  I may be wild and fearless but inside I'm so fragile.  My bones are brittle and my heart, my heart can't withstand it. 

But thunder clouds don't always give rain.  And the things we fear most have already happened to us my love.  I am just as much to blame and I'm sorry for all I've done.    I'll shut up, I won't push my luck.  I won't guilt you or point fingers.  I don't care about any of the bullshit, I refuse to look back.

If I could be in your arms now, I'd be the happiest fool in the world.  I would spend all night talking to you, pouring my pathetic little heart out to you.  Every night has it's secrets, and tonight is no exception my love. 

I have so much to tell you.  How every time I'm in the mood to write, I only write about you.  How I've written over a dozen hidden posts just about you. Do you know that I dream of you now? Almost every night.  Even then I'm thinking of you my love.  Of us.  Playing back a broken record of what ifs.  It feels like years since I've last been in your arms, but it's real in my dreams.  And if I wake up smiling, I know it's thanks to you.

I've made every exception to every rule for you.  I have.

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