Tuesday, February 15, 2011

She Sings the Songs that Make the Whole World Sing

Hush little baby don't say a word
Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird...

This is my chance to remind you how much I hate you.  So many dark nights I've had, so many times I've tried to disappear into thin air.  Don't you see how disappointed I am?  I carry so much shame on my shoulders, so much hurt.  How are you so selfish? Don't you see what you've done?  Over the years I have forgotten what it was once like to trust you.  You're demeanor getting progressively worse is the only thing I hold true these days.  How many more times do I need to hold up a mirror to your face?  Maybe you're blind, maybe I'm stupid for still trying.  

Do you know that I don't love you anymore?  Never again will I smile at the sound of your name.  Of this I am ashamed too.  We could have had the perfect little family.  But when I rewind and play back the past, I know I'm dreaming.  There in the past lies my little heart shattered.  

Today I will tell you this all over again.  Again and again until I'm sure you have understood.  I want to haunt your dreams like you haunt mine.  But when I try to speak, my voice breaks, my lips quiver.  I am not as strong as it seems.  I am only a child.

...And if that horse and cart fall down
You'll still be the sweetest one in town.


  1. I almost feel as if I could've written this myself.
    I basically did only days ago. Feels good doesn't it?
    I only realised the other day that my hate and anger stems solely from the fact that I did and do still care too much, and it only holds me back.
    I'd say you're a bit further along lifes trail and the mending process, but for what it's worth, hang in there.
    Hopefully some good finds you.

  2. Really, thank you for your compliments.
    I think striking a chord with someone far off in a distant corner of the globe over something that allows you to feel like the loneliest soul around is a crazy thought on something as simple as a blog...
    Not many things annoy me more than when someone tries to offer sympathy in a situation they claim to understand when they in actual fact, have none or very limited experience in it.
    But, I can truly say, to a large extent, I know well the lows that you speak of.
    Every day, for months now, I've seen the darkest side of myself I've come to experience yet, and i'm sure you'd agree, that's something you wouldn't wish on anyone. I hope I never have to fucking see it again, but i'm sure one day, I will.
    As i'm sure a thousand people have told you before, "give it time", and you can feel like your giving it all the time in the world and still never gaining a foot, but time is something you've got plenty of, and it will again one day be your friend.
    Keep doing what makes you happy, and keep up the inspiring work here, I've thoroughly enjoyed reading your words.
    Thanks again :)