None of it Matters, But it Does

I wish my hand fit into yours like it once used to.  I still don't know how to move forward or get out of bed without thinking of you, missing you.  I whisper secrets you will never know because I'm still waiting to be saved.  You think I'm strong but it's a lie, I'm small and weak.  There you go.

I realize that I'm holding onto something that doesn't exist anymore.  That the person I love, I want, I miss doesn't exist anymore.  People change.  The things we like and dislike change.  And we can wish they wouldn't all day long, but it doesn't work that way. 

All great things are preceded by chaos, right?  Wrong.  Every goddamn day is chaos.  Life is divine chaos.  And you of all people should know that silence is a girl's loudest cry. You never heard me, not once.  You've been so wrapped up in you, you've forgotten.  And now it's over.  I was crazy for you but your eyes weren't open.

I've changed too you know.  I believe in love, lust, sex and romance, not one at a time, but all at once.  I don't want it all to add up to the perfect equation anymore - perfect doesn't exist.  No no no. I want mess and chaos.  I want someone to go crazy out of their fucking mind for me, every day.  I want to experience passion and heat and madness.  I want just you and I, just sheets and us.  I want it all.

Speak the truth or lie and cheat.  I've made my decision and I'm starting over.

When Every Person in This World is a Drizzle, You're a Hurricane

I want to bury myself in your arms, your shoulders, your warmth.  I want to hear you say that everything will be fine.  I want you to hold me and whisper that we'll find a way to be together.  If it's important to you, you'll find a fucking way.  And in this perfect world, I'll turn to you and confess that when I dream, I dream of you.  You are different and that's what makes you beautiful.  I don't want to walk alone, just to prove to you that I can.  I don't want to lose the moon while counting the stars, and right now, looking into your eyes is my escape from the world.

The truth is darling that when you want something that you've never had before, you have to do something you've never done before. One day you may lose me but you will never lose my love. I will protect you and hold your hand until the end of your days. For this love is stronger than depression and braver than loneliness and nothing, nothing could exhaust it. 

I keep myself busy

With the worthless shit I do.

But every time I pause,

I will always think of you.

If you want to fly, you have to sacrifice the things that hold you down. 

At the Touch of Love, Everyone Becomes a Poet

If you want to be sure of keeping your heart intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal.  Lock it up safely in the casket of your selfishness. And in the casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will not change, it will not be broken. It will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The only place outside of heaven where you can be perfectly safe from the dangers of love is in hell.
— C.S. Lewis

I come home to wrap my wounds and hide my lacerations.  You abuse my kindness and corrupt my affection, my generosity.  But it's my fault, not yours.  And days like these I want to erase every tender word I've ever written about you.  I want to withdraw every warm feeling I've felt and every inch I've shared with you.  When did you become the poison on the fruit of my trees?  I want to hurt you like you've hurt me, time and time again.

When I catch a glimpse into your eyes, it feels so familiar to me,
But our minds are like strangers, ships passing in the sea.
Goddamn maybe a broken heart isn’t worth mending,
Maybe this beginning is really our ending.

You knew to always keep your distance, and no you're not to blame,

but me, I'm stupid, I knew I should have done the same.  

Weeds are Flowers Too, Once You Get to Know Them

I love how wide your eyes get when I tickle you, the way you cringe when I'm driving, the way you want to hold me forever and ever.  I love how you actually read what I write and I love how you call me at 2AM to purposely wake me up because you know I'd rather talk to you than anything else in the world.

Today was amazing, but that shouldn't surprise you.  Every time we are together, I find more things about you I love.  A few nights ago, I saw for the first time vulnerability in your eyes.  Today I heard it in your voice.  I want you to know that I'm vulnerable too.  And I'm doing my best to not hurt you, not ever.

I want you to know one more thing, but I don't want to tell you, 

So I'm going to let the first 3 words of this explain it to you.  

And if there's ever a day when we can't be together, 

Keep me in your heart, your soul, and I'll stay there forever.

A Voice of Gold and Lips of Coral Red

When I catch a glimpse of you across the room, 

I have to remind myself to breath.

When I look into your stunning eyes,

I can hear you say "come sail, sail away with me."

Goddamn I don't know what I've gotten myself into.  I don't know if I should continue on this path or turn back.  It's so scary starting over, taking such a huge risk.  And I can't help but ask, would you do the same for me?  Would you bend over backwards and give up a part of yourself for me? If I gave up the most important, meaningful thing in my life, would you give up yours too? Of course not.

I ask for so little from you.  But if I make this ultimate sacrifice for you, only to walk away with my heart broken and shattered and crushed, then what?  You would leave without a scratch and I may never wake from the coma.

I'm scared.  I'm fucking terrified.  Can you blame me?  I don't know who I am anymore.  Me, you, us, it's oblivion.  It's mystery across the sea.  We can sail away to a whole new world, but our ship has no captain you see?