None of it Matters, But it Does

I wish my hand fit into yours like it once used to.  I still don't know how to move forward or get out of bed without thinking of you, missing you.  I whisper secrets you will never know because I'm still waiting to be saved.  You think I'm strong but it's a lie, I'm small and weak.  There you go.

I realize that I'm holding onto something that doesn't exist anymore.  That the person I love, I want, I miss doesn't exist anymore.  People change.  The things we like and dislike change.  And we can wish they wouldn't all day long, but it doesn't work that way. 

All great things are preceded by chaos, right?  Wrong.  Every goddamn day is chaos.  Life is divine chaos.  And you of all people should know that silence is a girl's loudest cry. You never heard me, not once.  You've been so wrapped up in you, you've forgotten.  And now it's over.  I was crazy for you but your eyes weren't open.

I've changed too you know.  I believe in love, lust, sex and romance, not one at a time, but all at once.  I don't want it all to add up to the perfect equation anymore - perfect doesn't exist.  No no no. I want mess and chaos.  I want someone to go crazy out of their fucking mind for me, every day.  I want to experience passion and heat and madness.  I want just you and I, just sheets and us.  I want it all.

Speak the truth or lie and cheat.  I've made my decision and I'm starting over.